Serenity In Solitude
Peace in loneliness is such a hypocritical concept.
Surely the place that you would find the most peace is when you are alone, but I would make the claim that that is far from my and many other's truth.
I don't like being alone or by myself. The times in my life that I find myself most content is when I am in the company of anyone. I wouldn't call myself an extrovert, but I definitely do better in the presence of people rather than in the absence.
When we find ourselves in new stages of our lives or in different circumstances, finding ourselves in times of isolation can follow.
I believe that there are key steps that one can take in order to make their times of loneliness a little bit more peaceful.
A major step in creating this sense of peace is first creating a fall-back from your loneliness and this is by creating a personal network.
There is a major difference between being lonely and isolating yourself! While I do recommend becoming comfortable in the absence of others, I do not recommend purposefully pushing others out of your life to isolate.
Creating a personal network in your new environment can make a real difference in how you view yourself in times of loneliness and ensure that your loneliness does not become chronic. This can include joining a club (if you’re still in school) or a group of like-minded individuals. Online forums or in-person life groups can offer support from others when you cannot or do not want to be alone and give you the chance to make more personal connections with members of those groups.
These personal networks act as safety nets when engaging in moments of loneliness. While we are lonely it can feel as though no one wants to be around us or that we are not accepted by others, this line of thinking is false, and finding the people that you like being around gives you the ability to reach out instead of further isolating yourself.
Moments of solitude in our lives can seem daunting and scary, they look like moments of regression, I argue that these are the best moments in our lives to pursue the understanding of oneself.
My next tip for finding peace in your loneliness is to explore your personality.
When we are constantly engaged with others we can put up a front even if not doing it consciously. This is caused by wanting to be liked by others or just wanting to be accepted. This is especially pertinent to those that one might call a “people-pleaser.”
Being alone forces you to put down that mask that you may put up in the company of others. Once this mask is down you can start to question where the need to change yourself comes from, and who you are without the need to please others. By discovering who you are without others, you can reevaluate who you want to be once accompanied again.
When filling the void loneliness can tend to create, a good idea to fill the time is to investigate new activities.
It can be tempting to doom-scroll or throw away your time when in pockets of solitude, but I would argue that these moments of stillness provide ample opportunity to foster new talents and skills.
While I don’t believe that any time spent alive is time wasted, I also don’t believe that the time we spend alone should be solely spent avoiding the thoughts in our brain by constantly consuming curated media.
Some budget-friendly ideas for filling your time include reading, writing, drawing, exercising, and so much more. Starting a new hobby does not have to break the bank nor does it have to include finding resources that are not readily available to you already.
Doing these activities in the absence of curated media in the background can increase your attention span and help cure dopamine addictions caused by short-form media. This will increase your ability to feel happy with less stimulus and allow you to feel more gratitude in areas of your life that once felt dull.
The last bit of insight I can give on finding your serenity in solitude is to be forgiving towards yourself. Becoming comfortable in loneliness is a constant battle when it was never comfortable to begin with, there will be moments of anger or sadness that you may feel while alone.
The best possible thing that you could do for yourself in those instances is to feel your feelings without hypercriticism towards yourself, there is no benefit to beating yourself down for experiencing normal emotions. It is instead better to acknowledge your feelings and move forward.
Loneliness is something everyone will experience in some form, it is important to find peace in those moments rather than anguish. Remember that loneliness can be a tool for finding yourself and discovering who you want to be.
Make sure to check in on Saturday for Weekly Recap 02: Gratitude for Others.
