Weekly Recap 01: How I Learned to Fit Out

I am what I like to call unnaturally intuitive, I take note of every action and thought of myself and analyze it to bits and pieces. This often leads me to revelations about myself that I should honestly ignore for the larger part. Early this week, I was presented with a new revelation.

After spending hours on hours scrolling through social media all of the week before I realized that I, like many others in my generation, have a crippling addiction… to my phone.

As any rational person would do upon this discovery, I went back on my phone to figure out how I could cure this ailment. That is when I discovered the true horrors that come with phone addiction!

Reduced attention span, inability to sleep, and the worst one of all, wasted potential.

How could I do that to myself?! Waste my potential? I didn’t even know what my potential was yet, how much of it had I already wasted with the countless hours that I had spent on my phone all of these years?

It was determined, that this had to change. I couldn’t be a bystander to the death of my potential.

I knew what I needed to do! It was cold turkey or nothing. I wrote out a list of the steps that I would have to take! Buy an alarm clock and keep my phone out of my room, no more night and morning social media scrolling. Lock my phone away during the day, take away the temptation. Find a hobby, keep my time occupied while I mourn the loss of my beloved screen time.

Yes! This would be the cure! 

I brainstormed a list of hobbies that I could try: crocheting, writing, reading! They were all great… but also kind of boring. I needed something different, something that had an immediate tangible dopamine hit.

Eureka! Photography! I could in a matter of hours take a photo, upload it to my computer, edit it, and BAM, result. It was a foolproof plan in my brain. Surely any person could take a photo, but that wasn’t enough I need to be good at taking the photo.

In an effort to thwart my phone addiction, I went back and did some research on digital cameras.

I was in awe of the quality, the moodiness, the perfection of them all. That was it, I would buy a digital camera. And all was well in this line of thinking until I saw the price!

After some careful debates about the pros and cons, I concluded that I would buy used. I went to Facebook Marketplace and started the haggling wars. 

It didn’t take long for me to find exactly what I wanted, the perfect camera for the perfect price. And after a day trip into NYC, a delicious Israeli lunch, and getting lost only one million times, it was all mine. 

Now you may be wondering, has it cured my phone addiction? Not really. Have I gotten any good at it? I like to think I’m a natural at everything. Was the total cost of the camera and additional accessories still out of my budget? Absolutely! Would I do it again? Every time.

So far photography has allowed me to create art that I never thought I would be able to create and to find beauty in the smallest things. 

It also inspired me to create this blog. 

Now what’s my testimony, my story, my experience with fitting out?

Since I was a kid I have always been eccentric and different. Not in the “I’m not like other girls” kind of way, but more in the shy, quirky, and humorous kind of way. I was the reader and teacher’s pet when I was a kid, and then the obnoxious teacher’s lament when I was a teenager. 

Being different never bothered me when I was younger, so what if I was unique, at least I was me, who else was I supposed to be? All of the fears of not fitting in were quieted by the roaring waves of learning how to just be. 

The polarizing reality of not fitting it did not hit me until college. I decided to go to a small university in the South, which as a Northerner I can say, is not for the faint of heart.

Here I engaged in a culture that I had never experienced before! This new place was fun and exciting, but it was so far from the reality that I was used to. I found myself struggling to accept that I didn’t act, dress, or talk like everyone else.

I began to try to fit in.

I changed the way that I said certain words to avoid teasing, I dressed the way that others dressed, and I quieted my tone so that nobody could even tell I was there. It was hard and bound to fail. People can tell when you are hiding who you truly are, and it was obvious to everyone that I was struggling with who I had been and who I wanted to become. 

The desire to become someone different didn’t come from wanting to better myself as a person, but rather to blend into the background completely. 

This past year I knew something had to change. Even as a version of myself that I thought was sure to make me happier, I was miserable.

If I was so sad forcing myself into someone that I was not in an attempt to fit in, I had to accept that I had to fit out instead.

For me, this meant confidently embarrassing my differences and unique traits. I began experimenting with the way that I dressed, styled my hair, and spoke to the others around me. Feeling a new sense of confidence I started to become more social with those around me.

Unrelenting confidence and pushing yourself to try new things until you find what makes you feel the most comfortable and full of joy is the key to fitting out! Take what other people may judge you for and wear it as a badge of honor if it brings you peace. 

Putting yourself out there and fully demonstrating to people what your interests are and who you are will get like-minded individuals' attention. In the past year, I have learned to wear the clothes that I want fearlessly, have the conversations that I want, and hang out with the people that I want.

Peace can be found with fitting out, all it takes is the jump into radically accepting yourself!

Make sure to check in on Thursday for the next upload: Serenity in Solitude.