Serenity In Solitude

Peace in loneliness is such a hypocritical concept. 

Surely the place that you would find the most peace is when you are alone, but I would make the claim that that is far from my and many other's truth. 

I don't like being alone or by myself. The times in my life that I find myself most content is when I am in the company of anyone. I wouldn't call myself an extrovert, but I definitely do better in the presence of people rather than in the absence. 

When we find ourselves in new stages of our lives or in different circumstances, finding ourselves in times of isolation can follow. 

I believe that there are key steps that one can take in order to make their times of loneliness a little bit more peaceful.

A major step in creating this sense of peace is first creating a fall-back from your loneliness and this is by creating a personal network.

There is a major difference between being lonely and isolating yourself! While I do recommend becoming comfortable in the absence of others, I do not recommend purposefully pushing others out of your life to isolate. 

Creating a personal network in your new environment can make a real difference in how you view yourself in times of loneliness and ensure that your loneliness does not become chronic. This can include joining a club (if you’re still in school) or a group of like-minded individuals. Online forums or in-person life groups can offer support from others when you cannot or do not want to be alone and give you the chance to make more personal connections with members of those groups. 

These personal networks act as safety nets when engaging in moments of loneliness. While we are lonely it can feel as though no one wants to be around us or that we are not accepted by others, this line of thinking is false, and finding the people that you like being around gives you the ability to reach out instead of further isolating yourself.

Moments of solitude in our lives can seem daunting and scary, they look like moments of regression, I argue that these are the best moments in our lives to pursue the understanding of oneself.

My next tip for finding peace in your loneliness is to explore your personality. 

When we are constantly engaged with others we can put up a front even if not doing it consciously. This is caused by wanting to be liked by others or just wanting to be accepted. This is especially pertinent to those that one might call a “people-pleaser.” 

Being alone forces you to put down that mask that you may put up in the company of others. Once this mask is down you can start to question where the need to change yourself comes from, and who you are without the need to please others. By discovering who you are without others, you can reevaluate who you want to be once accompanied again. 

When filling the void loneliness can tend to create, a good idea to fill the time is to investigate new activities. 

It can be tempting to doom-scroll or throw away your time when in pockets of solitude, but I would argue that these moments of stillness provide ample opportunity to foster new talents and skills. 

While I don’t believe that any time spent alive is time wasted, I also don’t believe that the time we spend alone should be solely spent avoiding the thoughts in our brain by constantly consuming curated media. 

Some budget-friendly ideas for filling your time include reading, writing, drawing, exercising, and so much more. Starting a new hobby does not have to break the bank nor does it have to include finding resources that are not readily available to you already. 

Doing these activities in the absence of curated media in the background can increase your attention span and help cure dopamine addictions caused by short-form media. This will increase your ability to feel happy with less stimulus and allow you to feel more gratitude in areas of your life that once felt dull. 

The last bit of insight I can give on finding your serenity in solitude is to be forgiving towards yourself. Becoming comfortable in loneliness is a constant battle when it was never comfortable to begin with, there will be moments of anger or sadness that you may feel while alone. 

The best possible thing that you could do for yourself in those instances is to feel your feelings without hypercriticism towards yourself, there is no benefit to beating yourself down for experiencing normal emotions. It is instead better to acknowledge your feelings and move forward.

Loneliness is something everyone will experience in some form, it is important to find peace in those moments rather than anguish. Remember that loneliness can be a tool for finding yourself and discovering who you want to be.

Make sure to check in on Saturday for Weekly Recap 02: Gratitude for Others.

Weekly Recap 01: How I Learned to Fit Out

I am what I like to call unnaturally intuitive, I take note of every action and thought of myself and analyze it to bits and pieces. This often leads me to revelations about myself that I should honestly ignore for the larger part. Early this week, I was presented with a new revelation.

After spending hours on hours scrolling through social media all of the week before I realized that I, like many others in my generation, have a crippling addiction… to my phone.

As any rational person would do upon this discovery, I went back on my phone to figure out how I could cure this ailment. That is when I discovered the true horrors that come with phone addiction!

Reduced attention span, inability to sleep, and the worst one of all, wasted potential.

How could I do that to myself?! Waste my potential? I didn’t even know what my potential was yet, how much of it had I already wasted with the countless hours that I had spent on my phone all of these years?

It was determined, that this had to change. I couldn’t be a bystander to the death of my potential.

I knew what I needed to do! It was cold turkey or nothing. I wrote out a list of the steps that I would have to take! Buy an alarm clock and keep my phone out of my room, no more night and morning social media scrolling. Lock my phone away during the day, take away the temptation. Find a hobby, keep my time occupied while I mourn the loss of my beloved screen time.

Yes! This would be the cure! 

I brainstormed a list of hobbies that I could try: crocheting, writing, reading! They were all great… but also kind of boring. I needed something different, something that had an immediate tangible dopamine hit.

Eureka! Photography! I could in a matter of hours take a photo, upload it to my computer, edit it, and BAM, result. It was a foolproof plan in my brain. Surely any person could take a photo, but that wasn’t enough I need to be good at taking the photo.

In an effort to thwart my phone addiction, I went back and did some research on digital cameras.

I was in awe of the quality, the moodiness, the perfection of them all. That was it, I would buy a digital camera. And all was well in this line of thinking until I saw the price!

After some careful debates about the pros and cons, I concluded that I would buy used. I went to Facebook Marketplace and started the haggling wars. 

It didn’t take long for me to find exactly what I wanted, the perfect camera for the perfect price. And after a day trip into NYC, a delicious Israeli lunch, and getting lost only one million times, it was all mine. 

Now you may be wondering, has it cured my phone addiction? Not really. Have I gotten any good at it? I like to think I’m a natural at everything. Was the total cost of the camera and additional accessories still out of my budget? Absolutely! Would I do it again? Every time.

So far photography has allowed me to create art that I never thought I would be able to create and to find beauty in the smallest things. 

It also inspired me to create this blog. 

Now what’s my testimony, my story, my experience with fitting out?

Since I was a kid I have always been eccentric and different. Not in the “I’m not like other girls” kind of way, but more in the shy, quirky, and humorous kind of way. I was the reader and teacher’s pet when I was a kid, and then the obnoxious teacher’s lament when I was a teenager. 

Being different never bothered me when I was younger, so what if I was unique, at least I was me, who else was I supposed to be? All of the fears of not fitting in were quieted by the roaring waves of learning how to just be. 

The polarizing reality of not fitting it did not hit me until college. I decided to go to a small university in the South, which as a Northerner I can say, is not for the faint of heart.

Here I engaged in a culture that I had never experienced before! This new place was fun and exciting, but it was so far from the reality that I was used to. I found myself struggling to accept that I didn’t act, dress, or talk like everyone else.

I began to try to fit in.

I changed the way that I said certain words to avoid teasing, I dressed the way that others dressed, and I quieted my tone so that nobody could even tell I was there. It was hard and bound to fail. People can tell when you are hiding who you truly are, and it was obvious to everyone that I was struggling with who I had been and who I wanted to become. 

The desire to become someone different didn’t come from wanting to better myself as a person, but rather to blend into the background completely. 

This past year I knew something had to change. Even as a version of myself that I thought was sure to make me happier, I was miserable.

If I was so sad forcing myself into someone that I was not in an attempt to fit in, I had to accept that I had to fit out instead.

For me, this meant confidently embarrassing my differences and unique traits. I began experimenting with the way that I dressed, styled my hair, and spoke to the others around me. Feeling a new sense of confidence I started to become more social with those around me.

Unrelenting confidence and pushing yourself to try new things until you find what makes you feel the most comfortable and full of joy is the key to fitting out! Take what other people may judge you for and wear it as a badge of honor if it brings you peace. 

Putting yourself out there and fully demonstrating to people what your interests are and who you are will get like-minded individuals' attention. In the past year, I have learned to wear the clothes that I want fearlessly, have the conversations that I want, and hang out with the people that I want.

Peace can be found with fitting out, all it takes is the jump into radically accepting yourself!

Make sure to check in on Thursday for the next upload: Serenity in Solitude.

Fitting In vs. Fitting Out

Cass Fits Out is inspired by my opinions and thoughts on what it means to fit in and be normal in today’s society, how we can foster our individuality, and the giving of general slice-of-life content to provide insight and inspiration through my day-to-day shenanigans and revelations for overall better life management. This upload serves as an introduction to my philosophy behind “fitting out” and how it feels to not fit in in today’s world.

Fitting in. The golden egg. The concept that always seems just out of reach… well at least for me. My whole life I have been just shy from what people may call “normal” or “cool.” 

My friends fit in, my family fit in, and even my dog fit in!

I was surrounded by people who fit in, but I just couldn’t figure out what the difference was between them and me. Maybe it was my unrelenting determination to fulfill my parents' belief that I was individualistic and unique, or maybe I just didn’t have what it takes to fit in. 

But what does fitting in even mean?

Is it having a lot of friends? Well, I’ve always had a good group of friends who have loved and supported me.

Is it being the best dressed? I could never shy away from making a striking clothing combo, sure to catch the eye of any fashionista. 

Is it the ability to read a room? More often than not I have excelled in this task, even reading too far into the “vibes” of any group event or gathering. 

I should clearly have what it takes to fit in, but still, I do not. 

There is some intangible and unidentifiable thing that makes me and so many others fall short of this key to normalcy. 

Not fitting in is the “knife in the stomach” guttural feeling of knowing that no matter how you dress, who you hang out with, or where you are from, you're not like other people. You will never be like other people. You will slip up and say, wear, or do the wrong thing that proves to you and everyone else, that you are not like them.

The feeling is isolating and scary. 

When people like me, and maybe you, who have tried so hard to fit in and be like others face constant failure over and over again, it might be a sign that something needs to change. 

If you can't fit in, it’s time to fit out. 

Fitting out is the recognition and acceptance that come from not being like others, the realization that you don’t have to fit in to be accepted and loved by yourself and those around you.

It is the radical change that promotes confidence, self-betterment, and the ultimate form of embracing one's true identity.

To fit out is to wear the clothes, make the friends, and act in the way that allows you to become the happiest and healthiest version of yourself.

Once you fit out not only will you love yourself more, but the ones who are truly meant to be in your journey, will love you more too.

If you are interested in learning more about how to fit out and my journey with fitting out, make sure to check in on Saturday for Weekly Recap 01: How I Learned to Fit Out.